carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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