my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
