Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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