I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
