have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
