I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
