im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
