You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
