and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
did i walk over a car last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
