Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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