Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
