so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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