On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
