last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
