so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
