he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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