I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
