Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
