so let's talk penis.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
