thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
