my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
