You just made me feel so damn special
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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