Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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