I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
