I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
