It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
