It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
