Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
