Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
