If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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