Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
