He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
