I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
