hell yes lets make some ravioli
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
