Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
