The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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