I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
