Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
