My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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