He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
