just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
