fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were destined to go to rehab together
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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