After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize