through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
