yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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