omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
