Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
