I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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