I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
