$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
