i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
