i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
