u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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