If i come over, it means nothing
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
