Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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