as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
