If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
