jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
