i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
